Dear Donovan: Why is love so hard to find?
Dear J. Shiver: The most basic and fundamental desire of every human being is to love and be loved in return. I believe love can be so hard to find because we just won’t get out of our own way. Falling in love is a conscious choice and involves risks. There is no guarantee that the one you love will love you back or will love you forever. Knowing this, we often embark on the journey of love while keeping those “loopholes” close by. In doing so, we feel it will be the safeguard that will help us to survive a breakup and bounce back should the journey come to an end. Some of those loopholes are: not being totally transparent with your partner (selectively secretive), holding back feelings and emotions, drawing invisible lines (sometimes not so invisible) between the two of you (i.e. finance, friends, activities prenups…etc.)
Another reason love is hard to find is because many people are contaminated with selfish motives. A person’s “commitment” to a relationship can range from social status, financial stability, sex, transportation, and the list goes on. Once the suitor has served their purpose, lost the ability to provide what is needed or wanted or begins to uncover their partner for who they really are, they than become a blast from the past. That is not to say they don’t like you, they are just not in love with you. They love what you can do for them. However, disaster does not come without warning. We may have been willfully ignorant of the caution signs, but that doesn’t change the fact that we were forewarned. As the old saying goes, “Hindsight is 20/20”.
What a person truly feels in their heart will come to the surface. In the words of Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”. When a person truly loves you, it will be communicated without words. It will show in their eyes, their actions and can be heard in their voice. They will treat you like an extension of themselves. Love does exist. It is alive and well. But we have to have keen discernment. We must be careful not to latch on to someone just because they say they love us or because we are tired or afraid of feeling lonely. We must be willing to be patient, invest one hundred percent and master the art of communication. When we meet that person who is willing to give of the same magnitude, then you see that love was there all the time, we just have to be ready for it.